the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Panties = found
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
