That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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