I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
