Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
