I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
