16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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