in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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