i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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