he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
