wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize