hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
