It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
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