Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
