i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
