Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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