So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
