i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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