i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
