Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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