wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
