We won't sleep together?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
