I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
