Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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