Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
