you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
