So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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