did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
