He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
