p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
