I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
We have started to decorate penises.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
