ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
In America we eat man semen.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
