she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
