I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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