just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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