Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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