I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
