yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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