my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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