your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
