He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
