just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Randomize
