the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
