Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
