Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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