wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
