6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Non-Jews are for practice
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize