You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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