i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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