i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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