Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize