Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
