yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
