you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
