So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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