Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
