I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
