Plan B is the new Plan A
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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