Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
