I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Found the puke drawer
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
