Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
