Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
My balls are so social today.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Randomize
