So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
