She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
