1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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