put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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