I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
It's just like the Real World with babies
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
