just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
