we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
only you would photoshop your dick
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
