To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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