If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
