I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
