Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
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