It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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