If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
