Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
