I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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