Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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