My hand turned me down
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
