i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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