Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
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