He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
