and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Do vagina's smell?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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