I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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