There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
