Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
So much rum. So many feels.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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