I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
