it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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