hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
