last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
