He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
