her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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