How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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