I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
