this just has baby written all over it
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
