Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Randomize
