Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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