why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
