um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
