I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize