it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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