Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
