She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
