using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
