There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
