Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
