so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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