I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
