a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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