so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize