I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
